Turning 31

Happy birthday to me!

Today I celebrate my 31 years survival in this world.  29 was really hard, but 30 was the hardest.  At certain points I thought I wouldn’t be able to make it. But I did. And as a bonus, I found a trick to stand should other batches of storms come to visit me again.

The key is acceptance.

I believe everyone has their own survival trick and of course no one in this world is free from hardship and tests. For me, my rescue pole is the decision to surrender to God’s decision.

I was a pretty happy and calm person. Since a very young age, no matter what happened in my life, I usually just went through any problem with little or no complains, especially when I knew that complaining or stress won’t solve the problems (I still know it later, but just couldn’t help the overwhelming feeling coming from my chest).  I used to treat my problems as jokes.  Even when I complained to my friends (when I finally old enough to get one), I would deliver it as jokes and laughed about it then moved on.

But in these few years, the older I get, I feel like my button getting more sensitive and I can be overwhelmed with smaller stuff.  I also become less kind and tolerable to people.  When I was younger, I won’t complain so much when people mean to me, as long as they don’t hate me. I could still love a person who treated me badly, by reasons that it’s just because they were not in a good mood, they didn’t mean it, and that in those times I should help them to bring back their mood back in place. I always tried my best to understand the background of their bad treatment before deciding what I should feel about it. But now, it’s so hard to tolerate people, especially when you face your own difficulties too. This when my days are getting harder..

By the beginning of this year, I knew what I should do to be calmer is to accept that I may not be able to control everything. Therefore I decide my theme for 2017 is acceptance.  And now, I think it is the best I could do to myself.  By setting the theme, I set my eyes and focus on the acceptance.  I am no longer get worry or restless for the problems that I have, and I have more time to think and enjoy the peacefulness in my head. I haven’t had this kind of tranquillity for quite long time.  In some years, I only have those kind of tranquillity when I am alone commuting to work, or when I solo traveling (that’s why I love it!). This is also the reason why I do love long flight alone.  Without gadgets or social interaction with familiar people (and familiar problems), only with my own head, movies and some okay food (airplane food never taste so bad nor really good in my tongue!) and also strangers who I will never meet again, I feel happy.  – Next time you see me taking the longest flight alone, perhaps another storm comes to my life and I just need a break.

I am fine now. Now, everytime things don’t go as planned, or hardship comes in front of my face, people mean to me, betrayed me, hated me for no reasons, or simply I am failing myself, I will tell myself this: everything that is happening now is destined by God, and He knows best, trust Him and accept it. – This is not something that I have just learned, I have thought this for so long now, but only recently that it really sink and my soul really believes in. And it helps me tremendously in surviving bad times.  After all, bad times don’t last, you just got to find your own rescue pole and hang on.

And come to think of it, the problems I faced when I was young were much more serious than the ones I am facing now, but I did pass them all and they all shape what I am today.  God is indeed knows the best, and I should not worry and just accept the destiny He has resolved for me.

I wish every one of you has found your own rescue pole to survive. Have a great weekend sweethearts and thank you for reading this post.

Love,
Dewi

 

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