Resilience: Until When Will We Blame The Past?

Lately I have realized that many character troubles, how we deal with problems, and any issues related with feelings or resilience, are often rooted from one factor: the past. It is as if we don’t have any option to stand up and fight. As if we can’t say no, this is NOT me, the authentic me is the one I am happy with myself, what I achieve, what I am doing.

Until when will we blame the past? Until when will we act as victims, justifying the weakness that we experience as “this is how I am created”.. NO! We are all created to be the best being. And we should strive to be our authentic self and fight.

So, the next time the troubles come. We can’t be lazy. We can’t be down for too long due to one mishap.We can’t be angry. We can’t be unsuccessful. We can’t be not kind. Instead, we have to be our authentic self: the kind, successful, helpful, patient, strong and tough. We should be happy and grateful. That’s how we are created. That’s how we should strive to be.

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Reflection

As today is the last day of working for me, I can’t help but realise how this year 2017 come to an end.  It feels just like yesterday I started blogging again, and it was the beginning of the year. So many things happened, huge changes came to my life, and I didn’t even realise that time has taken my life in a blink of an eye.

I remember clearly what my goal this year was: acceptance. I realised many things in this world is way out of my control and I wanted to just accept my state, conditions, failures, just the way they are. To bring peaceful to my mind, to please the One who decides my life, that I fully accept whatever He places in to my life.

Did I really practice acceptance as planned in the past year?

One thing for sure, most of the time I even forgot that I have that goal…

And the fact was.. I lived my life in the least patience I should have had. I made reckless decisions, mistakes, you can say. But as I am writing this post a fact comes to my mind: this is the biggest challenge of my 2017 goal. 2017 is not over yet. I should not lose especially in the last days..

And throwing back to the whole year again, it hits me.  Yes, I made reckless decisions.  Yes, I was kinda drifting away with no firm decision of the way I really want to go.  Yes, I made huge mistakes.  Yes, I  joined an initiative in a rush, only to leave it in the same year.

But.. I also have grown soo much as a person. I have fight my self-esteem problem, I became much more confident than the whole 31 years of my life combined. I met MANY interesting new people. I have shaped the newer-me who is closer to my actual self. I learn about the initiative that is really close to my heart, and I stay in the other activities that are even closer to my soul. I learn how to mend myself and hold to rescue poles when I was extremely broken and slipping away. I tasted love. And I am grateful. I accept this destiny not only because I have to, due to the goal, but also because I believe this is the best one for my scenario.

I also learn that having fun and loving your self every now and then is okay.. And maybe I should do it more often. But it brings a big question mark for 2018, which I think will make me happier if I know the answer soon. But again, just accept, sometimes the answer will come when you least expect it 😀

How do you see your 2017? Are you happy with it? Or do you have some things you wish you do differently? Tell me in the comments or let’s talk when we meet! 🙂

Love,
Dewi

consciousness and the importance being conscious in social life

I just realized one thing this morning. Consciousness, or the state of being aware, is unfortunately not possessed by every individual in this world. While actually.. it is one of very important factors to not only to be alive, but also to reach highest potential in social life.

I am not a psychologist or neurologist or other -ist that is related with the study of human brain or behavior. But from my observation and limited knowledge on the subject, we can categorize consciousness to two big groups, i.e. consciousness in term of being physically and mentally awake (as opposed to unconscious, like people in comma condition), and consciousness in term of being attentive and aware of your surroundings.

Some people can be kind and have high empathy, but they can unintentionally hurt or wrong other people if they don’t have the second meaning of consciousness.

It may be a homework to realize and acknowledge that we are unconscious. And as their saying about dead people, unconscious people usually don’t know that they are unconscious, but people surrounded them will know (and hurt occasionally). This homework to realize and acknowledge their situation will be the hard one if they think that they are kind or wise already, and refuse to dig deeper of the consequence of their behavior.

And I think.. this unconsciousness, just like the unconsciousness in the first meaning, is not a permanent attribute to someone’s character.  An ignorant person can be conscious at times, and a highly sensitive person may be unconscious too (for example when they are highly focusing on a thing only..).

What to do when you realize you have been unconscious:

1. be grateful to realize this! now you’re awake;

2. forgive yourself, whatever happened in the past is done, no use to dwell on it; and

3. mend your relationship with the people who are hurt, or fix the condition that you have ruined, due to your unconsciousness. As far about relationship, a simple sincere ‘sorry’ usually works wonderfully!

And how to deal with people who are unconscious in your life?

1. awake them; and

2. if it doesn’t work, asses if their unconsciousness has been poisonous to your life or not (if yes, consider to limit your encounters with them, if not, learn to forgive and accept their unconscious side that you can’t change).

Until next time.

Love,

Dewi

 

PS – featured unrelated photo of me in Sahara because I just miss the place! 🙂

finding calmness in chaos

In this gloomy Monday afternoon, my mind wanders.

It’s actually similar theme of what I had written before, particularly this post, i.e. on how to find calmness during a storm.

So last weekend was great. I had a busy schedule, I was afraid I won’t manage it but somehow I could. Of course some sacrifices had to be made, but my goals were reached.

But then today.. I am faced with a stressful reality. I could not detail the problems here, but there are two major stuff that I can’t see any immediate relief that can be done to get away from these two problems. I am desperate.

I usually prefer to fix problems straight away.. but sometimes it is impossible and it stresses me out, so the second best thing I can do is actually to accept this condition, letting go of my expectation of the ideal, and be patient in the process.

However, I could only aware of those steps after I am calming myself down. I am thinking hard how to calm down… My chest is really heavy, my brain is so frizzy. I wish I can close my eyes and everything back well when I reopen them. I can’t think clearly.. But I am trying hard… Praying, writing, reading, working out, are some activities that usually can calm me down..

So I start writing this post. It seems working.

I still don’t know how to fix the two major problems that I have in my life right now. But the frizz in my brain finally gets lighter. One step at a time.

Love,

Dewi

Minimalist Lifestyle!

Halo everyone! This time I want to talk about something different: minimalism.

Last weekend, I spent the whole two days at home, planned to relax a bit since I had a pretty busy week and really need a nice of unwinding time.  But as soon as I hit the bed, as usual my brain dancing around randomly..  Somehow my brain works best early in the morning after I just wake up, and the minutes before bed..

I looked around my room and realized I had moved to this new place for almost 10 months now, and there was still a cluttered corner in my room, and the room is not nicely composed yet. My queen size bed was placed on the corner next to the wall, so every time someone was sleeping over, I needed to roll my body to the corner next to the wall to made place for the guest. It faces the shower room (and toilet!, not good according to fengshui.. lol), and there was a huge round working table with standing lamp and a bulky (but actually comfortable) working chair in between the bed and the shower room. Next to the bed were my huge wardrobe, with some unused boxes and luggages on top of it, and shoes and cosmetic shelf next to the wardrobe. On the other corner of the room was the bookshelf, 3 unpacked boxes from my previous place, a huge painting and some wall art and photos from my travel and many other stuff cluttered that were really not pretty and bothered me so much.

I always always always hate too many stuff. I didn’t know how I surrendered to this new room for so many times without doing anything. Perhaps my work, new business (go check http://www.joylovetravel.com) as well as some travels from this year made me forgot to make my own bedroom as comfortable as possible. And have I mentioned now I live almost 30 km to work? Which in Jakarta.. it means 3-6 hours return commuting every single day.. SO yes, I forgot to declutter my own bedroom.

The first thing I did was: moving the cosmetic and shoes shelf to the left corner of my room (the opposite of the shower room) and hide it with my huge wardrobe, so the first thing you see from my room is not my messy shoes and cosmetic tubes. And for the bed, I made it facing the wardrobe and I put it a bit in center so it is accessible for 2 people easily, and it actually made my room looks more spacious and comfy. I then got rid off the boxes from the top of the wardrobe and throw them away, and put the luggage away in the other room. I also organized my clothes and resulted in some boxes of clothes that I no longer used or fit anymore! so I kissed such clothes goodbye and welcomed by more spacious wardrobe that looks nicer and will cause less headache every morning I will go to work.

So that corner is fine now, we move to other corner next to the shower room.. Oh my God, those boxes were junks! I removed most of the content and made those IKEA boxes as my new bag boxes, more spaces in the wardrobe, yeay! I then stacked the boxes next to my bed and my standing lamp to replace the bulky round table and working chair which I removed from the room along with the huge painting that didn’t really fit anywhere in the room. I am sorry you guys have to go outside..

Lastly.. organizing all the papers, junks, books and many stuff from my travels that was hard to let go in the past.. But now I realize the best thing is the memory that is stored in our mind. Let the clutters go away.

Now I get a nice, clean and spacious bedroom. I had to throw a lot of stuff, some may be donated, some may be just thrown away, but I am so in love with my new room! The lesser the better.

I think it is important to make your bedroom as comfortable as possible because it is supposed to be your sanctuary that should make you feel like at home. For me, I just realised last weekend, it is minimalist. I feel at ease to see that I don’t have many. Many overwhelms me.

I started to learn more about minimalism to check if this is really the lifestyle that I would enjoy.. If it is, I want to know more about how to make my life easier and more comfortable with less.

From what I read, there are a lot of rays of minimalism. The ‘real’ minimalists will go as far as only keeping less than 100 things, friend of less than 100 people, following less than 100 people in facebook.. and the list go on (for example, this list). But I don’t think I would enjoy that extremity.. So is the minimalist style is still for me?

Apparently based on this quiz, I am still a minimalist afterall! Eventhough I have many online friends and a bunch of apps on my phone, minimalist possession like clothes and shoes brings peace to my mind! And I found this blog: http://jennymustard.com/ which really describes minimalism that I would love to do. And she has some really nice tips on minimalism, saving money, minimalism interior and motivational videos on productivity, self love, how to be comfortable on your own skin and find your style, be happier and calmer person. I love it and really excited to learn more about the minimalism lifestyle that she and her fiance doing.

Are you minimalist? Do you love collecting things, or do things overwhelms and makes you restless? How do you like your bedroom looks like? Share with me on the comments below!

Ciao! 😉

Turning 31

Happy birthday to me!

Today I celebrate my 31 years survival in this world.  29 was really hard, but 30 was the hardest.  At certain points I thought I wouldn’t be able to make it. But I did. And as a bonus, I found a trick to stand should other batches of storms come to visit me again.

The key is acceptance.

I believe everyone has their own survival trick and of course no one in this world is free from hardship and tests. For me, my rescue pole is the decision to surrender to God’s decision.

I was a pretty happy and calm person. Since a very young age, no matter what happened in my life, I usually just went through any problem with little or no complains, especially when I knew that complaining or stress won’t solve the problems (I still know it later, but just couldn’t help the overwhelming feeling coming from my chest).  I used to treat my problems as jokes.  Even when I complained to my friends (when I finally old enough to get one), I would deliver it as jokes and laughed about it then moved on.

But in these few years, the older I get, I feel like my button getting more sensitive and I can be overwhelmed with smaller stuff.  I also become less kind and tolerable to people.  When I was younger, I won’t complain so much when people mean to me, as long as they don’t hate me. I could still love a person who treated me badly, by reasons that it’s just because they were not in a good mood, they didn’t mean it, and that in those times I should help them to bring back their mood back in place. I always tried my best to understand the background of their bad treatment before deciding what I should feel about it. But now, it’s so hard to tolerate people, especially when you face your own difficulties too. This when my days are getting harder..

By the beginning of this year, I knew what I should do to be calmer is to accept that I may not be able to control everything. Therefore I decide my theme for 2017 is acceptance.  And now, I think it is the best I could do to myself.  By setting the theme, I set my eyes and focus on the acceptance.  I am no longer get worry or restless for the problems that I have, and I have more time to think and enjoy the peacefulness in my head. I haven’t had this kind of tranquillity for quite long time.  In some years, I only have those kind of tranquillity when I am alone commuting to work, or when I solo traveling (that’s why I love it!). This is also the reason why I do love long flight alone.  Without gadgets or social interaction with familiar people (and familiar problems), only with my own head, movies and some okay food (airplane food never taste so bad nor really good in my tongue!) and also strangers who I will never meet again, I feel happy.  – Next time you see me taking the longest flight alone, perhaps another storm comes to my life and I just need a break.

I am fine now. Now, everytime things don’t go as planned, or hardship comes in front of my face, people mean to me, betrayed me, hated me for no reasons, or simply I am failing myself, I will tell myself this: everything that is happening now is destined by God, and He knows best, trust Him and accept it. – This is not something that I have just learned, I have thought this for so long now, but only recently that it really sink and my soul really believes in. And it helps me tremendously in surviving bad times.  After all, bad times don’t last, you just got to find your own rescue pole and hang on.

And come to think of it, the problems I faced when I was young were much more serious than the ones I am facing now, but I did pass them all and they all shape what I am today.  God is indeed knows the best, and I should not worry and just accept the destiny He has resolved for me.

I wish every one of you has found your own rescue pole to survive. Have a great weekend sweethearts and thank you for reading this post.

Love,
Dewi